Mind Wishes

8-9 years ago, when I was preparing for JEE, my teacher used to encourage me to increase the level of enthusiasm I had for the exam. Time and again, he used to tell us about how IIT is different than any other technical university. Not only the technical, he also told a many times about how the personality grooming happens in the four years of the premier institute. Apart from bookish guidelines of cracking the typical JEE pattern, he used to ask I that whenever I go sleep at night, or wake in the morning, do keep saying ourselves that “I’ll be an IITian” for about 10-15 times daily, till the phrase gets written in the core of the subconscious mind. According to him, when the phrase will be part of my subconscience, I’ll put all my efforts without losing my energy level, to get through the JEE. At that moment it all appeared bull-shit to me to speak something you want so many times and you’ll get it if you crosses a threshold of your mindset for that particular thing. Results, I was put on the boundary line of the candidates selected for the JEE, landing me in some nonsense seats of Msc. Integrated, etc.

But now, after 8 years, the world being round has come to the same point of speaking to my mind. But this time its not JEE, though a tougher exam, an exam, which can settle or derail the life. This is the exam of choosing your life partner.

It happened to me quite recently, I came in contact with a girl, kind of ok types, but who is indifferent to me, like many other girls. Even though we faced many a times, but not even the good luck wishes exchanged between us. Then a day happened, we broke the ice, and spoke about a little too many things. Days past, we became good friends, but I was insensitive to any kind of feelings. By then, we became very comfortable with each other, started out the GN, and GM sms’es. One fine day, I wrote the “L” word to her, and messaged her; response -a smiley, with a Good Night wish. Slowly and gradually it became my habit to remember her for at least 10-15 minutes before going to bed, also I keep going on saying the “L” word to her daily in my messages. Every time I messaged her a smiley in the response. Over the period of time, the “L” thing has hit to my subconscious cortex, now I truly is in “L” with her. So the experiment of speaking to myself did work for me to get into this emotion by itself. But the twist is still there, I think in this complete “L” word thing I was always pushy, so looks like it is not a bilateral feeling. So there’s no GREEN from her side.

But the principle of ageing is life must move on, and to me practical of speaking to mind works, I’ll try to put it some other constructive thinking and lets see the positive outcomes if I can make any.