Am I worth the Purpose?

I’m back after a long haul, reason I was busy finding me. And I found none. The purpose of me I couldn’t correlate to anything. All I could see was a man running over the principles postulated by some other man. Now when I come to know the meaning of those principles, I would like to explore in the know-how’s of reasons for those principles. The principles if at all serve any purpose to the mankind. So I am ready for a new voyage in my life of finding if I’m worth the purpose.
I was told and retold of the capabilities and the strength WE do serve for the society. But now I would like to stand out of the WE phrase of my life to look for the capabilities lying within me. I don’t want to shoulder the weight of a weaker partner, nor do I wish to accumulate the credits of the stronger partner. I would like to live at my own, either stand out of the WE, or standup over the WE, but not within WE.
So long I have seen a flat earth, therefore, how could I believe it to be a ball. The only way to contain my nerves over the thought is to see the earth from the top enough to be able to see it complete. No one can picture the shape of the body by being a part of the body, I’ll have to get off of the body to see its importance if any. I hope I’ll cope up with the pressure of the complete numb and curiosity within me to visualize the beautiful sceneries I’ll be witnessing soon.
I’ll be running into a new stream of life, where, I would like to explore the horizons of my creativity and analysis. I would like to make the crafts out of junk. I would like to see if I can complete the crosswords of the requirements from ones life. I would like to witness the compete movie, rather would continue to see a still frame of a scene and make out the movie by itself.
So far so good, I wish to know the reason of my life. If I’m the thread of god’s creation with some purpose on the namespace of this universe or am I just a dangling pointer with some unreasonable execution and will evade away off the planet on a chronological call. I wish to know my USP, and if at all that serves any purpose. I wish to paint a compete picture of the nutty gritty things I do have lying in my backyards.
Hopefully, I will come out worth the Purpose.

My Professional Life

The Way I'm

Many a times in the day I introspect, what am I doing, what am I capable of, should I try for what I’m not at the moment? Do I belong only to the surrounding I’m in? Am I in the boundaries of the destiny and fate? Am I doing anything worth mentioning or is it as regular as anyone can do it if he made to put in my shoes? But then what is in for me? Questions, questions and there are many more questions. The answer if I see makes me spiritual. The ideologies that come are often negative in nature. Confusion cripples over mind. I don’t want to trade-off between this and that, between here and there. Every time I look upon I see I want the perfect 10 out of 10. Loosing anything at the cost of else is just I’ve never made my mind for. We read statistics and probabilities, and then the exercise of picking a red ball from a box of n number of balls colored distinctly that too blind folded. I don’t want to pick a single ball, I want to keep the complete box with me, as my expectancy of holding the red ball is perfect one. But, since the ifs of the game don’t allow me the box, I’m not able to keep any ball with me, and hence lose the game. The selection of one out of n is not my cup of tea. It is not that I’m color blinded that I can’t distinguish between the different colored balls, but since the purpose of picking the ball doesn’t depend upon its color, why do we bother to select only red from a pool of many. A ball is a ball as long it is spherical. So if my job is done irrespective of the choices I made, why am I being asked to make choices. All the things are good enough to be with. Then, why the things at the far end seem so good? The obvious is not good because it’s available next door. If given privileges, we want to make choices, the fear of losing the best make us to think of having the privilege to testify everything.

The privilege of keeping the choices many a times empowers you with the feeling of power to eliminate. But other times, it just demands your time unnecessarily over ridiculous choices. The choices one can make depend upon the number and type of the objects to choose. So what am I left with? A choice to choose the option from the given choice, no matter if there’s any option with which I want to live with. So that means I’m not choosing, but I’m portraying to be doing the job. Means I’m living artificial or is the need of the time. 

I want...

A friend most recently asked me about my demands from the life. Well, a tough ask, but this is the same which I am asking to me for quite long period. I don’t know what I’m worth of. The life for me is bringing opportunities either under standard or over standard to me. I’ve always been inefficient in finding out the right knick between the choices and availability, between the brain and heart, between the desires and passion, between demand and supply. I carry the twins of the Gemini over my shoulders. And both of them are always fighting for their existence. The two every time have quite opposite want from the life. They fight for their rights and the sufferer is here writing out his emotions in the middle of the night.
But then don’t take me as a loser, I’m lucky, the twin nature is just good for me. With it I’ve got at least two views, or the approaches to attack the problems I had been put against to. The past had proved I had always been able to identify the pros and the cons of every situation; the balance was always there with me. The passion of the wants was controlled by the awareness of the cons of the wants. The result was always there with me, even before entering into at the arena of gladiators. I was always been able to peep into the future, may be I’m too fast or the clock ticks at a quite low rate.
With the reflections I put on to the achievements or the losses I incurred during my Silver Jubilee journey of the life, I can find I had lost hardly anything. There was gain and only gain, things were with me, and those which didn’t stop by me were later found to be of no worth. I had been lucky to witness both the dark and bright of the nature. But don’t know why, I just never tried to catch up with the brighter people. Some where in the deep sub conscious, I was jealous of being over shadowed by the bright crowd, hence always kept me happy with the dark species. But who wants to serve in heaven if I’ve the option to rule the hell. I, if follow the pug marks left on the traces of my memory, finds out the desires I had, had been fulfilled every time I dreamt of anything. But the impatient heart had always been let down by the unavailability of the desire at the moment. Every one on the planet has the needs, but I look for fulfilling them ASAP.
For me nothing is big enough to gulp in my head, and there are very few things discovered yet which can keep me engaged for quite a longer period of time. I’m the person of change I’m the person of analytics. For me the objects of the world are the well formulated member of time variant equation. No matter, what goes up or down, the net result of the nature remain constant. I need the reason from everything to everything. And from my view point everyone on the planet is liable to give his/her reasons.
If one wish I can make out for my future is, then it is the CHANGE which I’ll ask for. I’ll go for the continuous CHANGES of the Life’s demands from me. I want my Today should be different from the Yesterday, and my Tomorrow should not be a repeat telecast of the Present or the Past. I’m a quick wit and a fast learner, and if I can learn the lesions of life in one go, why repeat the same class over and over again. I want to be away from the boorish nature of rewriting the same design patterns. I want my life to flow like surfers flow over the waves, should never know if I be able to get of to the shore. I inhibit the characteristics of the travelers and explorers, who want to make their way out to the mundane if thrown out to the deserts of SAHARA, or into the dark jungles.
But the ability to poke in to the Future is just letting me down of living a continuous change. I know my Past, or Present can’t be repeated into Future. But the ability of thinking about the Future, make me capable of thinking my Future into the Present, which results into a predefined Tomorrow. So a SAD story, the only ask from the life, i.e. the CHANGE can’t be granted to me.

Pearl in Dark

Hi I’m cleaning company agent, I do cleaning of the people’s waste wishes, shitty ideas, nonsense designs and corrupt thoughts. I am the maintainer of the predefined rule sets. I patch the holes, and re-patch the holes left even in the patch. I watch the performance of the stream flow for any kind of blocking object coming in between the smooth passage. I should be proud of having the chance to clean the dirt. The proud to have the chance to be the owner of somebody else’s shit. The person with the pressure had done his job in the long past, and now I’m digging out his ashes in the marsh. The more I’m trying to get out of it, the more deep I go into the marsh. I’m afraid if one day I’ll be consumed by the marsh itself.

The shit I’m cleaning has become very tough and stable by now. With so many years it kept in the sunny environment of the desert its moisture content has just dried off. Now it’s been reached to such a solid state that it can’t be molded to any other shape or to change its overall design pattern. It’s been reached to a very solid state. The solidity of the shit is such that it cannot be cut even by the sharpest of the object like diamond. And since the external interface of the shit still is smooth and clean, the water flowing over it cannot even seep into it as there’s no left porosity in the shit. So chances are only zero, to contribute to its attributes. The truth is that the shit I’m on will remain the same; the consumer of it has to take it, the way it is. The crudity of the shit has taken the toll in the past, that for every request of the consumer; there’s always a standard answer – “we are watering the shit, sooner it’ll become loose to change its design we’ll come back to you with a new design”. But then at least the water on the planet is not sufficient enough to make it wet and I don’t see its availability on any other planet except the only aware biological planet.

The issue is not in cleaning the dirt. After all, we are being paid for the job. But my horizon is big, I can take more shit then I’m given to handle. But I don’t want to ask for it, after all its shit, not the gold which is lying down there. Since there have been so much experience in looking the type, design, content, interface and many other fundamental attributes of others waste, why I’m not getting the chance to provide the society, with the shit contributed solely by me? The answer to my question I know, I’m so late to come on the planet, there were thousands before I came into the World, to secrete out their waste products, and by now the number rise to millions. With so much population in our domain of designing and deployment of the shits, virtually every design shit is released out to the gutters of the Software Society. It’s tough to find out a unique design patented by me with so many down their in the market.

So are we reached to stable state of world, wherein no change will be reported in the future, only the look and feel of past will be modified in the future, so that consumers can’t make out the shadow of the past in the future. Or I’m changing or adapting to environmental needs to a greater extent much beyond, what Darwin had thought of. Or the rate of change I’m running is far big enough such that the relativity principles of Einstein if applied to my change rate, the World will be seen stable with no change happening around.

But a chance is always there, if the World is not changing, change the World. There’s a belief of life in other parts of the Universe as well. May be the shit I learned in this World will not be known to the world I’ll be moving to – “A chance to have my own ****”

A key phrase has just hit my – “impatience is the new life”. 

Pleasant Change

I see things changing around me, the spring is blossoming the environment. The birds are rhyming their chirps. The Sun is peeking its brightness. But is any of these stable?

Unstable things can look to be stable, if you are watching them from a moving frame of reference. A cylinder can be looked as a circle; all depends from where you see the things.

How far can you be relative to the needs you need, how long can you hide your instinct. You’ll come out of the darks, things won’t change but your vision will change. You’ll see the tail of the coin; you’ll see the black spots of the Moon. Things are good, and life looks to be beautiful. But, nobodies’ life has ever been his/her side. It swifts smoothly from right to left, from being on the road to off the track. Things will change. The night has to come after day. But that night will last forever, you’ll not see the day again. Though, you can be satisfied being adaptive to the lethal dark, but the colors of the rainbow won’t come again.

The liabilities will soar, the responsibilities will rise. You’ll have to be a valet, throughout the life; a valet without freedom, a valet without leave. To every question, you can have yes and only yes as the answer. No will just be wiped off the dictionary, though the meaning of “No” you’ll have to remember to understand the others always opines about your suggestion.

You are the part of crowd; the masses have burnt their muscles to run on the predefined path. The path of curiosity, the path of inquisitiveness, the eagerness of knowing the unknown is the definition of life. You know the presence of a monster behind the dark jungles of Africa, but you don’t want to digest its presence, because the gate to the jungle looks to be a wonderland. And you’re consciousness erodes away viewing the frontline beauty of the jungle. Remember to catch the fish, we must have to attract it, and in those lines monster since is also governed by the same Management principle’s of nature, is also trying to hijack us by the policy of attract and attack. Shiny things are often deceptive; seeing such figure, the rise of the lips to make a smile is just being initiation of being deceived.

The trajectory of everything in the nature is always inverted parabolic. Emotions rise from zero to max, and then fades away to zero once again. You are on the rising side of the trajectory; you’ll have to come back to ground zero one day. The more you go up, the more painful will be the journey coming down. The journey coming back may be immediate or again a smooth path. But in both cases you’ll lose the same amount of energy, differential of the peak of the curve and the ground zero level energy will remain the same. So the amount of loss will be same in both cases. And the nature of life is you live with loss quite longer as compared to life you live on the growing side of the curve. Shine is the symbol energy. It is good to have a shining figure to give you enlightenment. But shine beyond perceiving capabilities, blackens our vision, the release of so much energy with the shine doesn’t make to feel us good, but let us to feel heat in the environment. Early morning soothing Suns burns down the skin in the afternoons. Good things become bad at times. Because things aren’t good, it is just your perceiving limits to keep in faith, how long the things will remain good.

What I’m saying I don’t know, neither do I follow the vision I wrote here. Never mind thanks for reading the bullshit.

 

Mind Boggling

I’m off for quite a long, I don’t know the reason. But I found tough writing, I don’t know the reason, is it because, I had ogled out all my thoughts? Or the cerebral fluid has dried off my brain? By the way, let us not delve into the reasons of blah-blah things; a past is a past. So what am I thinking right now - is I’ll push to finish off at least a page before breaking the flow. Thoughts are just coming as being penned down. But the emotions have been dried off, so is the faith. But it is good to be love and lost, rather no love and lose. At least I’ve got the memories to live with. I’ve got the chances to experience the hotness of the fire the coolness of the ice. And now I’m able to distinguish between the two. So far so good, the small trembling footsteps I took have now made me able to stand for a marathon. Yesterday has given a lot to me to build my Tomorrow. Things were positive and only positive for me. “Whatever happens, happens for the good” – a rightly said saying. I’ve got the reasons to giggle at my mistakes. The person who made the mistake was someone other than me, today I’m different. Tomorrow I’ll be more different. But am I moving away from my root, will the person I lost somewhere in the jungle of myths and rules of life be able to identify me again. To that I must say, I’ll will always live in Today, if you have faith in me, I’ll bring you to my Today, but I won’t compromise my presence to your needs.

A question always strikes to my mind is the definition of perfection? Are there things exist with perfection or is just the compromise to the best available solution we have which we can call the perfection. Things are perfect only relatively at a given timestamp under some give conditions. And if those conditions aren’t there, attribute under examination won’t be perfect. The best of your friend will be best only if you don’t have any shared interest. So if things aren’t perfect, why bother loosing them. The world is full of imperfections I can have as many as I want. Objects under identification are always relative. I’m happy today because I was sad yesterday, comparisons is the basis of every object in the humanitarian world. Today can either good or bad for me but it can not be yesterday for me. Every moment we live is altogether a pickle of emotions – good, bad, or ugly. Let us taste everyone of these; who knows if it is being the Sad which I’ll enjoy the most? Let us not search for the perfect moment or perfect destiny, neither we’ll find any nor we’ll enjoy being finished up with the journey.

Though the expectancy of life is always having a head behind the head, but still the bright objects do also have the dark shadow. Even the darkness has its meaning - dark is the background of the sky only over which the nature can paint the millions of twinkling stars in the night. The black hole definition of the perfect darkness states as equivalent to the object which doesn’t allow the light to escape from it implies that darkness is not the absence of brightness, rather it is so content in itself that even the light doesn’t want to leave it. Brightness is just the instability of the energy contents; the emission of light is just their way to catch your eye and to ease of their instability. Don’t be afraid to be dark. Dark is the color for courage.

I don’t know what I have written, does it make any sense or not? The intent is not to invoke a revolution or to hurt any single person. This is yet another chapter added to me speaking to me. I do it regularly, to exercise my brain, to keep the blood energizing my nerves. I search life in everything; every creation of the nature speaks off something, it is for us to listen to them. The man has become so strong to speak to machine trying so hard to learn the signals between the flipping 1’s and 0’s, why aren’t we giving any importance to understanding the person we sit next to – that too in our natural language? Is it something like we are learning to learn new skills but in between the learning cycles we are not finding time to apply whatever we have learnt?

AM to PM

Trin-Trin-Trin……………, aaaaaon, it was 0530 alarm I set yester-night which was just not allowing me to be in peace of my sleeps. I snooze it for 5 minutes, and went once again back to the dreamy world. After 5 minutes, cycle repeated and I unwontedly yawned a bit, got off my bed move straight to my bathroom. I stood in front of the wash basin mirror, looked myself, I pitied over myself, and said to me “Lalit don’t do it today, lets skip tomorrow definitely”. But the person from the mirror was just smiling at me, questioning my dedication, I felt shamed by him, and with the heavy heart brought my hand under the tap. “SHOCK” I felt and I uttered all of a sudden the coldness of water had just wiped off the traces of any sleepiness I was undergoing just a few minutes back. By then, I made myself in the dilemma of hanging in the air, neither could I bring my hands under the tap for the coldness of water, nor could I go back to my bed. I courageously took the toothpaste, turned on the geyser let the water warm up for me and when finished with the brush I waited there for the water to get warm enough to gulp it into my mouth. That’s how the teeth have been taken care off. Soon after, I took off my clothes and slip under the shower. The warm water, falling on my head was just it need, and through my soul I wanted to be there under it throughout the day. But I have to move on, move on to what I woke for. I put on the fresh track suit, took my bag and came out of the home. It was 0600 hrs, the darkness of the dawn was still there, the stars were still visible. I cursed myself, what a life, “I am running to earn my meal in the night itself”. By the time, since I had reached to my parking, I kicked my bike, geared up, and sped to the most I can. Till the point I was riding under shed, it was OK, but soon I hit the road, I came to know how cold even the summer is in the early morning hours. Hands were trembling to grip the throttle, legs were shaking, breaths soaring high, the cold breeze was just entering into me from anywhere it could. I was feeling the distance and the time passing by, the coldness is just which I can’t ignore.
Finally, I reached to what I had started for, the playground of a school, called Sevasadan Public school, I took off my jacket, started of the very first few steps of jogging, now I was getting accustomed to the environment around track. With each step I was feeling more warmth, and the more brightness caused by the rising sun. After 10 rounds of circling around the track, and a few warming stretches and exercises, the real drama started. Actually I woke up for a boxing practice match.
I had to bandage my both the palms, wrists and fingers tightly enough so that no muscle wear and tear can happen in my arms. Later I put on the Boxing globs, to get ready for a round of fight. A fight with someone whom I a few moments back was thinking as of my friend. A fight with the fear within me of getting hurt. A unique way to start the day – blows on the nose, hits on the temple, hooks on the chin, and pain in the chest. I also had a fair chances of hitting my opponent, and the every shot I hit, I always took the full power behind it. I was just enjoying the moment, no matter how much pain I was getting in reward, but there was full joy. I was not able to think anything, but to hit my friend who was my enemy for the time being. After all, it is the friend or lovable who only can become the figure of hate or enmity; nobody hates a stranger.
By the way, I got several of the hits, and consequences-I got 2-3 scratches around my right eye. The scratches were itching, but what could I do I had to move to my office with the bruises shining on my face. To be continued….

Determination under Stress

These days I’m in a stress of avoiding my temptation of doing things which I couldn’t think of in the past. The time is tough, but will pass. I’m looking for changes, I change my work timings, I change my wake up timings. I’m becoming sporty. I’m living a more personal life now. I’m liberated to live my own. I’m now not afraid of taking the blows on my nose. Life’s tough, but is beautiful, a crap from one of my friend. I’ve to change myself whatever be reason. Till date I was following a star, as if it was the way to my destiny, and I’ll get it one day. But then I realized the star which was shining for me, or smiling for me throughout the night doesn’t have the brightness enough to keep up with me in the daylight. I want a 24*7 companion to me, if it is the soil of earth which is giving my legs support to stand, I’ll thank to the earth for holding me and not follow any other deceptive shining figures. Downstream rafting is not a big deal, but the real joy of game is when we raft against the flow. The flow is against me, is it? NO. I would say it is just favoring me to be tougher, more realistic, more adventurous, more passionate, more perseverance, and many more. I’m increasing my limits, and will tend to make it infinity. And while writing this blog, I just realized, I’ve become more of I now, earlier I was we.

These days I’m learning Boxing, unrealistic to believe, but believe me it’s TRUE. It’s the game that makes me live a complete life within the 22 ft x 22 ft ring. Nose blows, ego hurting, being beaten up, guarding self to avoid damage, and looking for the chances to knock out or taking out the punch over the opponent; these are perspectives of living shortest human life, just two minutes, but enough to perspire every emotion of life of being hurt to being proud. Every time I came off the ring, I was hurt, but that gave me more passion to re-enter the arena with the only mindset to hit him more next time.

Life’s an extended version of the Boxing match, the opponent here is the complete world, it’s just me alone one side. But who are you thinking you are with, you are also alone; everybody at his own. Even our own shadow which in tough times of afternoons contracts and tries to hide itself beneath us, tends to expand and run away from us during the pleasant times of mornings and evenings. The shadow too, is our companion only when we are in the brighter side of the life, even our own shadow doesn’t want to live with the person in the darkness. So who are we with in our sorrow side of life, none, but with just the self? So there’s no point for habitual of anyone, you’ll be alone, in your needy times. A one liner I came across recently – “World praises only the rising Sun”. The people will follow me if I live a happy life. It’s joyous or touchy to see the Slumdog Millionaire, but nobody wants to have the misery of the Slums, every one when thinks of themselves they think of just to be Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Brad Pitt, Ambani or any other successful person. Metaphorically, it is the materialistic happiness you expresses to the world, determines whether the world will follow you or not.  Being sad I can just look for someone to be pity on me, but then it is just the other’s choice to be with me or not. But life follows happy people, even the glow of our own skin tarnishes away when we keep being sad. The world will follow me, only when I’ll be happy. So, I’m keeping the determination to remain happy whatever be the situations, and if the wind anytime blows against me, I’ll take it as an adventure.

The Determination always reside self within; reasoning of the external factors is just being non Determined. The first statement of life I was impressed with, Water doesn’t boil at 99.999 degree Celsius, even the last 0.001 degree is as important as the rest to break Hydrogen bonds between the Water molecules to evaporate it.  So it’s not worth to claim my prize or possession at 99.9% efforts. Only the completed projects are sellable in the market. Though till now I was 100% in my efforts but the perseverance to make it done, was somewhere I was lagging, from now on I’ll chase the dreams till I wake up or if the dream becomes my life. Starters can initiate but only the Finishers can win the Race.

Need of Professionalism

Professionalism – a word which aggregates a lot of negative relations; competitiveness, jealousy, not being self and so on. It has time and again proved to be a relation holding the burden of formalities. We are never at ease being Professional. Be it dressing professionally or working professionally or relating professionally. Professionalism is a just one word to say we are not liberal to our thoughts to our style of living. Professionalism is not about Living, it is about serving to earn. How many of us are happy to serve; not at least me.

Time and again, the need for Professionalism has been judged, and every time the society came to a conclusion to be less formal amongst ourselves when we work. I remember there were days when the executives have to be in the cuffs of Tuxedo before they enter into their routine for the meal earning. But slowly, the Tuxedos became the occasional wear, came the suits, and then the less formal trousers-shirts combination and now we are inventing a new executive on the job-a person sporting the shorts and T-shirts in the office presiding the board meetings. Is it being Professional sporting such attire for the CEO of the company? The answer depends on the perceptions of the person. Agility is the talk of the corporate, but it is just not for the files and processes to be followed for the business. Agility if implemented in full-sense means flexibility; to the extent business is not getting affected. Agility is related to be ease at work. It means the focus of the business should be on core-competency and not on the peripherals, and if a person is more conscious of his looks and getup how could he be involved 100% at the work.

Another thing long debated about Professionalism had been keeping away your psychology or emotions from the work environment. Is it possible? NO. More than 50% of the time we see ourselves, we see ourselves in some kind of official environment, giving ourselves just a meager. With such a little time we left for self, can we sort out everything before entering the Professional premises. Is it truly a possibility to carry two brains one for being Professional and other being Personal? NO. Hence the organizations came up with the idea, of two superiors for every individual, one will guide you in your business ladder other will keep the track of Personal needs. And if the corporate is keeping an extra resource for your Personal issues, does it not imply not to be too formal in your thoughts when you are working. In my opinion Humor is must to offload the pressure you are bearing in your mind. Humor is something which dissolves the feeling of competitiveness and jealousy between the peers. It allows have the flow of positive thoughts flowing for each other, to have a better companionship; results a good team. And when the spirit is of team, we are good at work.

So Professionalism is just an age old term, when we wanted rules, when we weren’t mature enough to be our own guides, when we were followers of some unknown leaders to some unknown destiny. Professionalism was the core behind hesitation; hesitation to change the process, hesitation to innovate a business cycle. The era has come to liberate ourselves from the protocols defined to meet our destiny. I don’t know whether there should be an end to Professionalism, but the criteria of being Professional has eased out in the past, and thus the definition of being Professional will keep on changing every generation till the point we become wild again. And if the Professionalism remains unchanged won’t the Darwin’s theory be contradicted.

U, Me, Or Hum?

She ditched me, she dumped me, and she fled away with someone else.  I had heard so many times from the “Broken Hearts” I spoke to, who thinks they are failed in Love. But they never told me the good times they shared in their life, they never had even “10 Minutes of Life” which were most beautiful with her. We have made a habit of complaining – complaining about failures, complaining about living someone else, complaining of their meaningless existence on the planet.

Why are we obsessing ourselves with the thought of others? Am I not deep enough to dive into my own thoughts? Why should I care for someone, and does it really help being cared or careful? We were most happy when we were not caring or even cared to be cared i.e. in our BACHPAN. Do you remember how many times, you have “Wounded your Knees” before you actually able to standup? Or at that stage did you ever mind not being able to take the first step? That was the time when we never cared to be Failed/Success; that was time when we just want to be zealous enough to stand at our own. And now when we are grown, we want reasons to prove others that “I am Fail”. Anyone can give up it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. A friend of mine spoke to me and said, “Life comes in small packets, it’s up to us to enjoy these smaller ones, or to wait indefinitely for a bigger one”.

Another question which always strikes me is whom should I select Person or Public? It is the public which made me what I am, and then the Person Loves/Hates me for what I am, so is it not being biased to give so much importance to the Person, who has a mere fraction of the % in my making? What am I giving back to Public-Nothing? I had been so much in the Person, that I forgot the Public, I was feeling a different personality, I was in the heaven, that too on the cloud-9. But the Cliffs narrow downs as we go up the Height, making us alone at the top. Again a point of failing thoughts, I have no one to convey my Feelings. From the top of the Hill or Cloud-9, when I look down, life looks beautiful down in the valley, because people there are still living together without any indifference to any single Person. And I am here on the Top of the World, But Without the World.

The confusion of Being Self, Living in a Social Environment, Search for a Personal Companionship, is the soul of all the Negative Thoughts. So who is First, ME, or PUBLIC, or YOU? If it’s been easy to define, we would all always be Happy. 

Enemy Day

Last day, I went to gym with my X-Boss, we saw the fitness house decorated in some kind of fashion ramp. And yes, since it was the eve of the Valentine’s Day, Mr. & Mrs. Abs contest was organized, but only for the members. Seeking so much of bizarre, I asked the Boss, as if any relation on earth left for which we don’t have any day. As far as I count, there is one for every single relation. And immediately flashed the relation of enmity, the relation of jealousy, heatedness, these don’t have any day dedicated to them for the celebration. So ideally we should have a day dedicated to the person to whom we have some kind of negative feelings.
A new Diaspora to think over – the commitment to the relationship these days use to hang in every gift shop. Great Mother, Great Father, Great Friend, Great Love and so on, and if the person is so great for you, is it not being biased to let them have just one day to feel they are Great? But, what can we do, these days we carry so many relations from our professional circle to the personal environment and with so much work load, how can we find the time to show our gratitude, respect, and care to every relationship around us. Hence we came up with the idea of having one complete day to show our concentrated commitment to the relation with the person we are holding our hands. Conclusion, out of 365 days we need to waste just a SINGLE day to be in the waste feelings of Love, Commitment, Respect and many other sentiments which I’m not aware of.
On the same lines I think we should have an enemy day. On the day you should give gifts wrapped in the black horror cover wraps with human skulls bones being decorated over it to the person you hate very much. It will be a new horizon to have the bad wishes card too hanging in the gift galleries. Is the point to funny? NO. After all, we spend so much of our time in the feelings of jealousy, competitiveness, enmity etc, so is it not worth to let the person know, how much negative you are for him/her? The benefits – we will have a dedicated day for enmity, we will be celebrating it to the fullest, with all the concentration and dedication.
If we can’t carry the feeling of Love and Care towards our good relations, why do we bother to carry the jealousy throughout the year? Since Love and Hate are the two flips of a coin, and Love can’t be absolute, it can only be relative to Hate; so we can’t live without Hate as well. But if we have to live with Hate, let us concentrate it on a SINGLE day, and not waste every seconds thinking over it. Therefore, have a Day for enmity, and if I become popular I’ll declare My Birthday as the “ENEMIES DAY”.

Fantasizing the Fiction

The media is high in shape we are now able to see the world with more than one perspective. It is to our involvement quotient to what we see, make us realize the existence of the fact or not. Media has always been the face of the people to the people. The involvement in the fiction presented by media, sometimes open the gate for our thought process.

I had always been the victim of the fantasies, media has given to me. The questions like –“what would happen if”, strike to my mind quite so often. And I should not take the credit of thinking at my own, but should give it to the presenter who made me to think what he has produced. Hero to super-hero to technology to evolution, I was many times inside the story. Sometimes I was fighting to save my country, sometimes to win my love. And since into the field of technology, sci-fi fiction/reports do also make me realize possibilities in the field of technology I would be witnessing in my life, or which are happening around me but with a perspective.

A machine is no longer considered to be a piece of iron, controlled by the HUMAN brains behind it. It is getting its own brains and the memory. We are programming them to be intelligent enough to take care of themselves and of the subsidiary machine. These machines are now continuously being upgraded to pump in more AI into them, which as of now making them to trigger the recovery actions for anything going wrong. So what is wrong with this? It is good to have an easy life with Robots and Computers taking our inputs and make TEA for us. Quite interesting, but yes till they only make TEA, but the TECHNOCRATS are the believer of development, so next phase of development will be if our ROBOT can be made trained to carry guns; a mind blowing idea? Think over it, yes it will help us saving our HUMAN troops to send at the front, and we will not face any casualties in the WAR. But as an intelligent machine just like HUMANS, process INPUTS, considering a few environmental VARAIBLES, and a mere change in any of these can cause repercussions; the ROBOT we made to fight for us, will be fighting against us.  That doesn’t mean I’m against development, but it’s the voice of a fiction, which I believe can happen.

So till now, we HUMANS have become a creator a thinkable system, if not the life; though we don’t have definition of life. Some believes being in the process of ageing is Life, but if is so, Earth, Stars etc, are to extinct someday, so are they represent a form of life, and if so can the mountains, rocks are matamorphically equalizes the tissues or cells in biological terms. Lava erupting of the volcano, high tides, hurricanes, quakes can they symbolize the mood of the nature? I don’t know answers to any of there, so I’m leaving it to you.

It is the fictions which made me realize we are also some kind of machines, the creator of whom we call the Almighty GOD, and he took a perfect object oriented approach to define our behavior. Polymorphism to inheritance to friend Class relationship every methodology is within us. We are nothing but objects, defined in our scope which we call our life cycle during which we relate to other objects and exits out of the natures RAM when our job is done. The HUMAN nature thus closely resembles to the Software Objects; and just not in the variable ageing but bad part of humanity also gets reflected into the S/W in what we call VIRUS. The easy targets in the S/W category which I would call the common man get easily predated by the VIRUS. SECURE class to some extent remains safe within the circle of their body guards, more the guards, tougher the luck for the VIRUS/attacker. But the story doesn’t end here, the ultimate savior of HUMANITY is someone who can’t be targeted by these unsocial elements, to whom we can call GOD in common language has now got a new matamorphically new name from me-ANTI-VIRUS.

We believe what we see. But that doesn’t mean whatever we are not seeing can’t happen or exist. The definition of a theory, to its implementation is a long process. Sometimes it takes generations to see the effect of a research. Einstein postulated the “Theory of Relativity” some 80 years ago, but still we are not seeing anything moving at the speed of light; forget about the wave nature of a particle. Fictions are there on Time machines, giving me an extra dimension to think to – what if we have really have a time machine does it really make a sense to talk about travelling into the fourth axis, or how many axes are to be discovered yet to define a complete co-ordinate axis frame?

As far as I’m left with questions, I’m using my brain. The day I settle down with satisfaction I can’t have the vision. The idea is not to be influenced by the fantasies to forget what we are, but to realize what other things around us are like us. Co-relation is a learning process, since it is not possible for everyone to be everyone or to know everything but if we can try we can set relations to most of the things of the nature to something around us. A very catchy phrase I came across recently – “A Line is a Point which is gone for a Walk”- a different perspective, a different definition but fulfilling every condition. So think for everything, and if you are not thinking observing something, you wasted your time watching something from which you gained nothing.

Google Base Engineering

“Program Socket C Language Example”, “Process IT Procurement”, “Perl white-box automation example”… and infinite number of search strings. Every time we need a job related snippet, we type the search phrase in the Google search bar and press enter. Rest is up to the search biggie to get wherever it takes. Sometimes to the right location, sometimes forces us to change the search pattern and to follow the cycle.

A segment of population, believes that browsing the internet, and searching various content increases the IQ of a person. Also, it makes us happy to take an accomplishment of getting something done, without hitting the deadline. And, what is the point of writing the same code which is just a single click away? After all, to make a motor bike, we should not start with the invention of wheel.

So, whether the idea is to promote Google Base Engineering? The answer is both YES and NO. YES for increasing our horizon, knowledge base, and to upgrade ourselves to the upcoming technologies. YES to be able to see where you are in the World Standards, YES to be able to see the new opportunities for your growth.

But a big NO should also be noticed. It hampers the thought process of an individual. It breaks the flow of the expressions in human mind. Flow requires a depth of thinking and a focus of attention. Flow requires a challenging use of our knowledge and skills. With the Google base methods, we can become a problem solver, that to a certain extent, but not a problem definer. Search base engineering can rectify 50 lines of code, but to build the project requires domain and domain is gained over a period of time with continuous thoughts and not with a quickie.

Before going to the search engine text bar, we should always be judicious to ourselves to have we given enough thought to the problem for which we are looking the solution. Let us start bothering our own BRAIN RAMS before hitting the Internet, or otherwise let’s be chill, if we do everything by us, then what the heck other 6 billion people will do. 

Confusion

We want to be loved, but we don’t want to be in love.

We want to have a friend in our spouse, but we don’t want any friend to be our spouse.

We want to excel in office, but we don’t want to work in office.

We want to live in the flow, but we get bored of the flow.

We want the change in life, but we don’t want the obstacles in life.

We want to feel important, but we don’t want to give importance to anyone.

We want to live happy, but we don’t have the definition of happiness.

We want to do multitasking while we work to finish everything in time, but we don’t have interest in any of those to give it a complete concentration.

We want to give respect to parents, but we don’t faith their selection for us.

We want to have a hot partner, but we don’t want anyone else to call him/her hot. 

We want to be style icon, but we are scared of trying a new hair style.

We want to invent new things, but we aren’t aware if any such old things exist or not.

We want to go abroad, but we don’t want to be left alone without family.

We want to live green, but we want to cut trees to accommodate us.

We want to go in heaven, but don’t want to try to go there.

We want a beautiful girl, but the girl next door is never beautiful.

We waste our present, but we want to build our future.

We want to get noticed, but we aren’t courageous to stand out of the crowd.

We want peace in the world, but we prepare for the war.

 So many inhibitions, so many confusions – always trying to look into the future; this is me, or this is you.

Be bold in your decision be clear with your voice. Aimed or aimless, live what you are. Don’t try to change for someone else, even if your try to change, by the time you’ll change, the person’s demands from you will change. Someone has rightly said – “Tomorrow's life is too late. Live today” and on the similar lines my saying has always been – “Live for Today, Die Tomorrow”. Whatever you are, carry to the perfection, live with your decisions. Some people say, life is not Black or White, it is shades of GREY. But if it is in the shades, then try at least to be in the brighter sides of shades.

The most annoying part of today’s life is a NO is not a NO; anything which is not YES is assumed to be NO. Hopes then remain, but what for- hearing a NO? We are now becoming some kind of policy seller, finding new customer to our network chain of business-“Excuse me sir/madam, I’m Mr. X, working with a MNC, earning in $s, a frequent flier, will you please be friend with me?” The ideal reply should be YES/NO on the case basis, if you are interested in buying the policy or if you are happy with your own friends. But, the answer came, I’m busy right now can you ping me later, a not NO, answer, a hope for the policy seller who has to sell his business at any cost to survive in the fast pace world. Result a waste in HIS time, a waste in YOUR time attending him so many times, so it’s not worth to save a NO.

Don’t be confused, you are good enough in yourself. A T-shirt quote once impressed me – “Why are you so depressed, you were luckiest of the millions to come in this world”. It is the HICCUPS, the middle state of any decision, within ourselves which avoids us to reach to a conclusion. Nobody else, but the self within defines our destiny.

There should be a conclusive note attached to your grave which should guide future generation either to be YOU, or NOT to be YOU. And don’t be a waste consumer of the AIR/WATER/LAND without living with what you are. 

Sorry Dost, I can't Keep Secrets

The M-25+ self dependent, still single, living alone- this is not just my story. Many a thousands are also there besides me. The conditions are ideal for love flowing in the air. Steps are being taken to impress her. Many a jiggling thoughts of does she, doesn’t she. Even, admiring someone beautiful at this stage causes a million thoughts. O, god, please tell me if admiring beauty will be taken so serious, why girls would like to be gorgeous. Forget about the gifts, hundreds of thoughts sizzle down the spine – what should I buy for her? Will she like this, won’t she like that? We give so much importance to her, that we forget what we were before her, and what we will be after her. “Living life in a second” would be the ideal phrase for describing these feelings.

1^st Jan 2009 2 am – I was late by 2 hrs to wish the New Year, to Lalit. Reason, recently, I found a new love. The wave length of my heart-beat resonated with the moods of her life. When she smile, I smile, when she sad, I sad. We met sometimes in McD, CCD, and lot many other places, all but at the places where the ghostly eyes can’t recognize us. I enjoyed every discussion with her, and with each meet, I feel more of her with me. And when the intimacy gone higher, we discussed for our future, and her response was – “If you’ll ask me, I won’t be able to say No”. So far so good, I was feeling on the top of the world, but never let my feelings to take the form of words to her. The dilemma I kept so as to keep things simple, but when you force something to be simple it becomes complex. The relationship with her has now become complex to me. Hours of calling before sleep, made me to Wish “LALIT” A Happy New Year with a two hour Delay. I informed Lalit, that I’ve to meet him tomorrow, as I’ve to buy gift for someone, and I need his help to suggest something decent. So cheap of human mentality, not giving a pen to your best of the male friend, but can jiggle around with thousand of Teddies to impress the females.

The next day Lalit keeping his words, met me sharp at 1300 hrs for lunch, and the regretful event on my part – “I already had a Breakfast/Lunch combo – so sorry I can’t offer him a company”. But deep in my thoughts was the gift thing so I dressed and we moved out. After lunch, with a gags on each other both of us entered in to Archies gift gallery. Believe if you are planning to buy a good gift, don’t go to any such shop, go only if you want to buy anything specific. But to my dismay, the person I thought an expert (Lalit) in this regard is found to be zero. He suggested the wrist watch, I said she doesn’t wear. He said bracelet, I said no she may not like it, we looked for a different bracelet, and oh it’s too heavy for her hands. Slowly and gradually, we have counted on every single piece in the shop, if she would like it or not. Alas, the only things girls’ like is TEDDY. And if I have to buy only a TEDDY then why this shop, I’ll buy somewhere near to my place. Thanks Lalit, for your time and patience, I hope you’ve not enough of work at office – “aur doston ke liye time nahin nikaalega to kahan jaayega”. So we are done with the gift shop without buying anything, as none of them is suitable candidate for my dears’ liking. Then I said Good Bye to Lalit.

I now once again back to my place, with the arms wide open, to take all the charms of life. Every single day has a reason to wake and to dress smart. Her smiles are now much more rosy, her eyes are now more deep. Lalit by now has gone to the deep corners of my life. I am interested and living for only her. I’ve found my identity. 

Small town mentality of one-girl man is still within me, and I got enough of the courage to ask her for her hand. And damn, she said she can’t. To console my heart and to keep my hopes alive, I asked if in future you want to rethink to your decision, I’ll be there waiting for you.

Her calls are still coming daily in the night, we still talk to many hours before sleep. I don’t know if those giving FALSE hope to me, or have I become Bad Boy of Big City.

Good thing is we are still keeping our communications, and I’m soon going out of this country for a reasonably longer period of time – good enough to forget her, good enough to move in my life.

Till then – I’m sorry I’ve got to go, I’ve got a call from Her.

Obamania - It's Too Much

Barack Obama is the new US president. Everywhere is the talk of the “Change We (he) Can”. What will be his policies towards Indo-Pak relations? What towards the war on terror? How will he take on the global economic recession? Will he favor outsourcing? Many more questions are there which everyone is trying to find the answer to.

But aren’t we over-reacting to his stature. Are we subconsciously accepting US as a super-power or Godfather to us? He is not the President of the World, nor should his decision influence the life of the 1.2 billion people.

The educated society talked so much of the US elections, many of us had followed its complete execution, from the days of Hillary-Obama clash for the Democrat seat to the final vote count and then to the oath. We appreciated the age of the newly elected President for the US. But can we ask ourselves, how many of us will cast their vote in the upcoming Lok Sabha elections. Or how many of us are truly interested in Indian Politics.  The result, we will end up abusing the Indian politics once again after the polls. Yesterday, I was watching the interview of the Delhi CM Mrs. Sheila Dixit, where she said, the politicians are not always that bad, but when things go wrong, since it’s a habit of common men to finger point his leader, politician do come always at the center stage. And that to me a greater extent looks an appropriate statement. If we can’t do the cleaning of our house we have no right to say it dirty.

On the same lines to politics, we are dependent very much on US economics. The Dalal street has just become the blind follower of the Wall-street. The exporters and so do the govt. of India always prays of keeping the Dollar rate appreciated. But have we thought that the appreciating Dollar is the major cause for the high inflation rate which we got in the rear past. Majority of the Indians, these days just following the job cuts the organizations are pursuing to face the recessions. But how long will we be dependent on some other to earn our meal. We should start building our own infrastructure, so that we can be self dependent.

Let us not talk how US’s decisions can influence us, but how we can lead our own way. 

Ambition Entrepreneurship

Ambition is the basis of human life. Everyone keep some ambitions. Many youths of today’s age want to drive their life on their own conditions. I belong to that group. We want to define our own rule; we want to redefine the standards of life. This write-up is just my personal thought about the conditions arises when a youth thinks of opening his/her own venture.

People said – “Need is the basis of every invention”. But I feel, inventions create need. Nobody knew the use of fire, until it was discovered, and now it has become the basis of our life. Computer was never designed to be personal, but slowly and gradually it created the need in every of facet of life, be it multimedia, calculations, presentations, etc. Now computer is becoming the need of the day. Social networking on the internet was never a need, but the invention of facebook/orkut etc. made it to a need. So what I feel is, have faith in whatever you want to propose to the society and be perseverant with your faith.  The society one day will accept your proposal. Until 500 B.C. nobody used to believe the Earth is round but the perseverance of Aristotle and his belief with the fact he had given society had to accept the Earth is round. So my opinion, if someone wants to set up his own business, he should have faith in his idea, no matter how small it is or whether the idea is acceptable to others in the first glance.

A journey of thousands miles starts with a single step – but the first step is the most difficult to take. It requires the complete planning, thought clarity, expenses, gains etc. For a startup, the first step is to register your startup as an organization. But the day you register, your expenses increases, your balance sheet start showing zero balance at the beginning of the month itself. So most of the startups starts as the part time job, you work complete day to earn your meal, and in the night your burn your night lamp to live your dream, to do something for yourself. This approach to some extent is good, and must have been worked to many organizations when they were incubating. But, you can’t live up your ambitions on your part-time efforts. This is the time which is most painful and important for the future of one’s ambitions. At this stage, people can be over/under or confident. The difference between any of these stages is just to the point made by a needle, one has to identify his zeal and ground work he has done for sustenance before taking further decisions. But if you don’t have faith in you and quit at this point, how can you think of someone else to have in you then. The tough decision, but go with your gut feel.

The last but not the least is convincing others to buy your idea. Be ready with your homework to every single question others may ask you about the functionality of your prototype, the business gain you’ll be giving them or the ease of life you’ll be giving them with your idea. Never loose hopes if you have been let down by someone at the start of approaching the clients. They may not be matching to your intellects, and hence are not gasping the potential you are providing to them. Be patient, and approach to different person. The world is so big you’ll find so many others. If you can implement your proof of concept to one person, you’ll build a chain out of it.

All the written above is a work of fiction, I am not a successful entrepreneur but I think I will be one day.

 

Mind Wishes

8-9 years ago, when I was preparing for JEE, my teacher used to encourage me to increase the level of enthusiasm I had for the exam. Time and again, he used to tell us about how IIT is different than any other technical university. Not only the technical, he also told a many times about how the personality grooming happens in the four years of the premier institute. Apart from bookish guidelines of cracking the typical JEE pattern, he used to ask I that whenever I go sleep at night, or wake in the morning, do keep saying ourselves that “I’ll be an IITian” for about 10-15 times daily, till the phrase gets written in the core of the subconscious mind. According to him, when the phrase will be part of my subconscience, I’ll put all my efforts without losing my energy level, to get through the JEE. At that moment it all appeared bull-shit to me to speak something you want so many times and you’ll get it if you crosses a threshold of your mindset for that particular thing. Results, I was put on the boundary line of the candidates selected for the JEE, landing me in some nonsense seats of Msc. Integrated, etc.

But now, after 8 years, the world being round has come to the same point of speaking to my mind. But this time its not JEE, though a tougher exam, an exam, which can settle or derail the life. This is the exam of choosing your life partner.

It happened to me quite recently, I came in contact with a girl, kind of ok types, but who is indifferent to me, like many other girls. Even though we faced many a times, but not even the good luck wishes exchanged between us. Then a day happened, we broke the ice, and spoke about a little too many things. Days past, we became good friends, but I was insensitive to any kind of feelings. By then, we became very comfortable with each other, started out the GN, and GM sms’es. One fine day, I wrote the “L” word to her, and messaged her; response -a smiley, with a Good Night wish. Slowly and gradually it became my habit to remember her for at least 10-15 minutes before going to bed, also I keep going on saying the “L” word to her daily in my messages. Every time I messaged her a smiley in the response. Over the period of time, the “L” thing has hit to my subconscious cortex, now I truly is in “L” with her. So the experiment of speaking to myself did work for me to get into this emotion by itself. But the twist is still there, I think in this complete “L” word thing I was always pushy, so looks like it is not a bilateral feeling. So there’s no GREEN from her side.

But the principle of ageing is life must move on, and to me practical of speaking to mind works, I’ll try to put it some other constructive thinking and lets see the positive outcomes if I can make any.