I want...

A friend most recently asked me about my demands from the life. Well, a tough ask, but this is the same which I am asking to me for quite long period. I don’t know what I’m worth of. The life for me is bringing opportunities either under standard or over standard to me. I’ve always been inefficient in finding out the right knick between the choices and availability, between the brain and heart, between the desires and passion, between demand and supply. I carry the twins of the Gemini over my shoulders. And both of them are always fighting for their existence. The two every time have quite opposite want from the life. They fight for their rights and the sufferer is here writing out his emotions in the middle of the night.
But then don’t take me as a loser, I’m lucky, the twin nature is just good for me. With it I’ve got at least two views, or the approaches to attack the problems I had been put against to. The past had proved I had always been able to identify the pros and the cons of every situation; the balance was always there with me. The passion of the wants was controlled by the awareness of the cons of the wants. The result was always there with me, even before entering into at the arena of gladiators. I was always been able to peep into the future, may be I’m too fast or the clock ticks at a quite low rate.
With the reflections I put on to the achievements or the losses I incurred during my Silver Jubilee journey of the life, I can find I had lost hardly anything. There was gain and only gain, things were with me, and those which didn’t stop by me were later found to be of no worth. I had been lucky to witness both the dark and bright of the nature. But don’t know why, I just never tried to catch up with the brighter people. Some where in the deep sub conscious, I was jealous of being over shadowed by the bright crowd, hence always kept me happy with the dark species. But who wants to serve in heaven if I’ve the option to rule the hell. I, if follow the pug marks left on the traces of my memory, finds out the desires I had, had been fulfilled every time I dreamt of anything. But the impatient heart had always been let down by the unavailability of the desire at the moment. Every one on the planet has the needs, but I look for fulfilling them ASAP.
For me nothing is big enough to gulp in my head, and there are very few things discovered yet which can keep me engaged for quite a longer period of time. I’m the person of change I’m the person of analytics. For me the objects of the world are the well formulated member of time variant equation. No matter, what goes up or down, the net result of the nature remain constant. I need the reason from everything to everything. And from my view point everyone on the planet is liable to give his/her reasons.
If one wish I can make out for my future is, then it is the CHANGE which I’ll ask for. I’ll go for the continuous CHANGES of the Life’s demands from me. I want my Today should be different from the Yesterday, and my Tomorrow should not be a repeat telecast of the Present or the Past. I’m a quick wit and a fast learner, and if I can learn the lesions of life in one go, why repeat the same class over and over again. I want to be away from the boorish nature of rewriting the same design patterns. I want my life to flow like surfers flow over the waves, should never know if I be able to get of to the shore. I inhibit the characteristics of the travelers and explorers, who want to make their way out to the mundane if thrown out to the deserts of SAHARA, or into the dark jungles.
But the ability to poke in to the Future is just letting me down of living a continuous change. I know my Past, or Present can’t be repeated into Future. But the ability of thinking about the Future, make me capable of thinking my Future into the Present, which results into a predefined Tomorrow. So a SAD story, the only ask from the life, i.e. the CHANGE can’t be granted to me.