The Way I'm

Many a times in the day I introspect, what am I doing, what am I capable of, should I try for what I’m not at the moment? Do I belong only to the surrounding I’m in? Am I in the boundaries of the destiny and fate? Am I doing anything worth mentioning or is it as regular as anyone can do it if he made to put in my shoes? But then what is in for me? Questions, questions and there are many more questions. The answer if I see makes me spiritual. The ideologies that come are often negative in nature. Confusion cripples over mind. I don’t want to trade-off between this and that, between here and there. Every time I look upon I see I want the perfect 10 out of 10. Loosing anything at the cost of else is just I’ve never made my mind for. We read statistics and probabilities, and then the exercise of picking a red ball from a box of n number of balls colored distinctly that too blind folded. I don’t want to pick a single ball, I want to keep the complete box with me, as my expectancy of holding the red ball is perfect one. But, since the ifs of the game don’t allow me the box, I’m not able to keep any ball with me, and hence lose the game. The selection of one out of n is not my cup of tea. It is not that I’m color blinded that I can’t distinguish between the different colored balls, but since the purpose of picking the ball doesn’t depend upon its color, why do we bother to select only red from a pool of many. A ball is a ball as long it is spherical. So if my job is done irrespective of the choices I made, why am I being asked to make choices. All the things are good enough to be with. Then, why the things at the far end seem so good? The obvious is not good because it’s available next door. If given privileges, we want to make choices, the fear of losing the best make us to think of having the privilege to testify everything.

The privilege of keeping the choices many a times empowers you with the feeling of power to eliminate. But other times, it just demands your time unnecessarily over ridiculous choices. The choices one can make depend upon the number and type of the objects to choose. So what am I left with? A choice to choose the option from the given choice, no matter if there’s any option with which I want to live with. So that means I’m not choosing, but I’m portraying to be doing the job. Means I’m living artificial or is the need of the time.